I have to apologize to all of you because I haven't been honest with myself or you, something I promised myself I would do with this blog.
I have recently acknowledged that I am severely depressed right now and have reached out for the appropriate help. By reaching out I have discovered that this is a common experience for people who have had a transplant. I was sick for so long with one thing keeping me going, the thought of a transplant. When the transplant occurred, I experienced a temporary high, but then I got dropped back into reality and instead of landing on solid ground, I dove down deep under water and I'm struggling to swim out.
My whole life has changed and I don't know how to handle it, what I'm meant to do now, or how I begin to move forward again. This is very scary producing a great deal of depression and anxiety.
These last few weeks I have tried to keep a positive spin on the blog, showing you the fun things we have been doing, but that has been a way to mask the hurt and sadness I have been feeling. I have felt extremely guilty about this, believing I should be happy and thrilled with my new life, but between the physical and emotional issues I am dealing with, that just isn't possible and it isn't my fault either.
All I can do is ask for your prayers and to please not be disappointed with me. Thank you! Nancy
You've Been Given the Gift of Life, Give it Back!
11 comments:
Nancy,
It was great hearing your voice this morning on the phone. I am sorry you are going through this, but I do know that you will fight through this like you have fought through everything else. You will come out on top, it might just take more time than you thought.
There is no reason to apologize or even feel that we are disappointed in you. You have been through a life changing surgery and it is going to take time to find yourself again and be able to accept this new concept. You continue to amaze us and inspire all who know you. Thank you for being honest and sharing your true feelings. By doing that, you are not only taking the right step for yourself, but I know you are also helping someone else out there! And that my dear, is something you are very good at.
Hang in there and I hope more sunny days are ahead for you. Take one day at a time.
I love you so much and am so honored and blessed to have you in my life. Call if you need anything...you know I will always be here for you!
I love you!
Nancy,
Please know that we could never be disappointed in you. You are a light in my life. I love you dearly and I know you will climb above this obstacle in your life right now. Concentrate on you and getting to where you need to be. I am always here for you--please know that!
Please call if you should need anything...or just to talk!
I love you! XXXXOOOO
Bridgette
Nancy,
There is no reason to think that your are disappointing anyone. You have had amazing strength and courage through this entire thing. We all look at you in admoration to know how hard your have worked and how much you have accomplished. Now is the time to work on getting YOU back together and remember that we all love you and stand behind you all the time.
God Blessed you with another chance and the strength and understanding to get through it!
Love You and miss you every day!
Jen
I've been worried all week when I didn't see you post anything.
My heart is with you. I know this is so hard and the road must seem so long. But if anyone can do it, it's you! One foot in front of the other. You are teaching us all about patience, acceptance, working hard for what you want and trusting in God.
PLEASE let me know if I can help in any way. CALL ME anytime you want to vent, cry, laugh or complain! I'm always here for you!
Much love to you from the Bradys!
Cammi
Hi Nancy,
Just please keep in mind that you are definately not alone. You have so many here to help you through this difficult time. You are amazing and strong and I am so proud of you! I know brighter days are coming. We will pray for and please never hesitate to reach out, I am here too!
Lots and lots of love!
Amy
I agree with the others -- you are definitely NOT disappointing any of us. Please stop being so hard on yourself -- in many ways, this is as tough to sort through as some of the things you faced before the transplant.
We all keep rooting for you, praying for you and celebrating that you're still around. Carole
Dear sweet Nancy,
You could never disappoint any of us. You are an inspiration to all of us!
I know that anyone who reads your blog wishes they could live closer so we could do more to help you, give you hugs, or do whatever we could to support you.
Dear girl, it has only been four plus months since this life-changing surgery occurred. We admire you for how far you have come in that short time. Be patient with yourself. Your faith, courage, and strength will get you to the place you want to be in your new life.
Please remember that there are so many of us who continue to pray for you and send our loving thoughts to you on a daily basis.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Dick and Judy
Nancy, you could never be a disappointment. You continue to inspire me everyday, even through these difficult times because I cannot imagine what you're going through. You are the strongest woman I know and the last thing you should be doing is apologizing! You have been through an incredibly traumatic experience and it's going to take time to figure life out because it's changed so much. You have to take as much time as you need and feel what you are feeling, this is your life, this is your healing process. It is all about you sweetie! Ain't no shame in that ;-)
My thoughts and prayers are with you for your continued strength. I am always here for you, day or night.
I love you so much my dear friend!
Lara xoxo
so many things factor into your feeling down and depressed; chemical imbalances; all of that. i think your feelings of depression were easy to read in your notes about all the fun things you have been doing. we can all help and i know we all want to. this will pass in time and throwing out your feelings is a great start. Always here for you.
Much love,
claire and the Harley/Goober gang
Nancy,
I understand COMPLETELY! I had to deal with those same issues. Even now I still have bouts of all of them. It is a big change, physically and emotionally. It's hard because we are not warned about these side effects. It will get better. I still have anxiety and fear along with times of depression. I have learned to recognize it and counter act it. I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk about it with. Ashley and I have had this exact conversation. She made a good point. We basically have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Near Death, life altering experience.
Love Ya and believe in YOU!
Nancy,
Hang in there. Your body is still adjusting to medication and I'm sure you will feel better soon. Sending you prayers and good wishes from Texas...
Joan
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