I went to my bookshelf looking for answers, looking for assistance, looking for guidance... the book that caught my eye was And the Angels were Silent, by Max Lucado. I thought this was appropriate, because my angels had grown quite silent this week, not because they had stopped singing, but because my ears had become plugged.
I felt numb inside and needed something more than any anti-depressant could give me. I read Max's poignant words and stories illustrating the last week of Jesus' life and I cried out, reached out, begged God to please come and find me. I was lost in my valley and needed His comfort, His support, His embrace.
Matthew 21:21 called out to me from the pages of this wonderful book, "If you have faith, it will happen." Jesus told his followers, "If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayer."
I DO BELIEVE! God wants me to fly, He wants to set me free from the bonds of my physical suffering, but I have to free myself from today's fears.
I need you to know, that I have down times too, you aren't alone. I have doubts, fears, insecurities and I need to be comforted and reassured.
As you are well aware, by now, music is a big part of my life and has become a tool that has helped me to re-focus, pray, meditate, and find peace. In the midst of this week of suffering, I found this Casting Crowns song "Who Am I". It spoke to me loudly and brought peace to my heart; I wanted to share it with you. Please take the time to listen to the lyrics.
"Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name,
would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star, would choose to light the way,
for my ever wandering heart."
Who am I? Who are you? We are God's beloved children and all we need do is reach out our hand and He will pull us up, catch us when we fall, and love us no matter what.
Those mountain tops are glorious, but it is certainly in the valleys that I grow.
May God bless you this week! Nancy
(Aunt Deb, thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures you took with me!)
4 comments:
The Blairs are cheering you on! Yes, it truly is in the valleys that we grow. You should be about 25 feet tall and equally wide by now! Your spirit comes through loud and clear even when you're feeling down and battered, dear sister in Christ. We'll inform everyone at St. Patrick's about your rough week tomorrow so expect some redoubled prayers. We're also praying for Cammi and her family.
God's blessings to all of you!
Jan & Dan, Joseph, Oregon
My friend,
How beautifully you write... I so appreciate your candid reflections; even in the valleys, you seem taller than the rest. I know you don't feel that way, but truly you are as tall as any mountain could ever be... Your spirit continues to light your way, and it will, because God is shining through you and in you. I love you, dear friend.
Deb
Hi Sweet Nancy,
We continue to pray for you every day. I can't even pretend to know how difficult a journey this is for you. I do know that you manage to continue to be the most positive person I know. You are definately allowed down days too. I hope our extra prayers and thoughts of you help a tiny bit to comfort you. We love you and know you will again be standing atop the biggest mountain top ever seen!
I hope today is a good day. I wish I could give you the biggest hug!
Lots of love and hugs,
Amy
You are forever in my prayers. Even when you are at the bottom of the valleys and you dont find any shimmer of hope. Even when you are at the mountain top. Its forever difficult to just trust in the Lord when it all seems so simple to us. After all...just WHY cant He send you your lungs right now? Why cant other things happen that would at least make the wait seem less difficult? Funny thing is that God has purpose and reason -- You are one of them. We love you girlfriend!
((HUGS))
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